Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
