great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
