I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
