She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize