Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
