I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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