So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize