I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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