I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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