just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
