pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
