I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
