i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
