Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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