I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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