so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize