Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
