I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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