she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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