Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
