i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
