I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
