Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
this is an emotional support booty call
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
