Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize