Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
