dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
