it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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