Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
