oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
