i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
