I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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