I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
two words...techno handjob
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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