I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
