it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
