last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
