So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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