That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
