this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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