Who wears a wallet chain?!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
