It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
