We're like a lot better than the average bears
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
