i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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