so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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