fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
