are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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