Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
