I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
where am i from again
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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