A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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