and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
