just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
