4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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