Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
