the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
