I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's blow job season.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
