we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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