just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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