Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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