dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize