remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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