wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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