Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
