i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize