i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
