I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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