one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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