Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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