It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
