thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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