hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
