Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
