Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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