Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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