She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
