So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
