after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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