so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
