apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize