I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
