I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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